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Social Psychology and Society
2024. Vol. 15, no. 2, 140–154
doi:10.17759/sps.2024150209
ISSN: 2221-1527 / 2311-7052 (online)

Signs of an Enmeshed Relationship: Motivations and Outcomes of Social Networking Sites Password Sharing among Emerging Adult Men

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J.P.G. Gutierrez, A.J.D. Aledia, G.G. Guevarra, J.R.A. Jasa, D.M. Villanueva, K.S. Tan

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Abstract

Objectives. The purpose of the study is to provide depth and analysis in understanding the reasons and outcomes of password sharing in the context of men's perception. The study will show a general idea of what phenomenon could occur if emerging adults decide to share a password with their partner.
Background. The campaign on securing one’s own password on one’s social media accounts has supposedly reached everyone. However, emerging adult men do share their password, either they initiated the password sharing or as a response to their partner’s demands. Despite the status of couples sharing passwords, there is a dearth of study exploring the reasons and perceived consequences of emerging adult men on password sharing.
Study design. This study investigated the phenomenon of password sharing among emerging adult men’s heterosexual relationships, thus a phenomenological design was used. Themes were extracted from interview transcripts via theoretically flexible thematic analysis.
Participants. 20 male heterosexual adult Filipinos aged (21 to 24 years old) who are in monogamous relationships (M = 22,3; SD = 0,73).
Measurements. Semi-structured interview was used in the data collection. With the elements of both structured and unstructured interview, the researchers garnered comparable and reliable data while also being able to pose extra queries to gain deeper insight about password sharing.
Results. The researchers found that the sharing of passwords between couples can be motivated by both personal and relational motivators. Furthermore, it was also found that password sharing in relationships has both detrimental impact and constructive consequences on their relationship and their own personal lives. Conclusion. This study entails that password sharing, as have been foreseen by agencies that campaigns for it, has its detrimental consequences both for the relationship and their personal boundaries. Nonetheless, password sharing had constructive consequences such as relief from relationship anxieties, and increased understanding of their partner’s social circles.

General Information

Keywords: password sharing; emerging adult; motivations; outcomes; enmeshment; digital privacy

Journal rubric: Empirical Research

Article type: scientific article

DOI: https://doi.org/10.17759/sps.2024150209

Received: 25.08.2023

Accepted:

For citation: Gutierrez J.P.G., Aledia A.J.D., Guevarra G.G., Jasa J.R.A., Villanueva D.M., Tan K.S. Signs of an Enmeshed Relationship: Motivations and Outcomes of Social Networking Sites Password Sharing among Emerging Adult Men. Sotsial'naya psikhologiya i obshchestvo = Social Psychology and Society, 2024. Vol. 15, no. 2, pp. 140–154. DOI: 10.17759/sps.2024150209.

Full text

Introduction

Privacy and relationships are both important basic human needs. However, there are men who are willing to sacrifice their privacy for the sake of their relationships. In the recent generation, younger individuals are more inclined to share passwords compared to the older generation [32]. In fact, 67% of American internet users who were in romantic relationships had disclosed their password for at least one of their online accounts with their partner [15]. Password sharing in social media such as Facebook[1] messenger, the largest social networking site where a reported 94,4% of internet users in the Philippines use the platform [26], is one of the ways an individual may put their privacy at risk [19]. There are even laws that aim to protect one’s information for both the United States and in the Philippines, the Privacy Act of 1974 and Data Privacy act of 2012 (Freedom of Information Act Division, 2022, Republic Act 10173), respectively. Campaigns about keeping one’s password also exist in the country [17]. Despite these campaigns and legal standards, there are men who are still willing to sacrifice their privacy by sharing the passwords of their messaging applications. Why do they engage in such behaviors and what do they get from it? This paper explores the reasons and outcomes of password sharing among emerging adult men.
Ajzen’s theory of planned behavior may be able to explain why such password sharing occurs. In its application to planned behavior in relationships, the person’s attitude, the subjective norms, and their perception of control over the relationship can predict risky behaviors in the context of romantic relationships. The attitude towards relationships can also predict why young adult males allow such password sharing to occur. In past research, researchers experimentally observed that men tend to engage in riskier behavior when in the absence of their partner [25]. This may indicate that the risk-taking behavior of password sharing happens due to the physical distance between the couple. Also, individuals assume that this is still the norm in most romantic relationships [4] where 75% of couples believed that individuals share their password to their partner. In addition, they may believe that sharing passwords also serves as a form of gaining control over the relationship as it also serves the function of relationship surveillance.
In addition, password sharing may have negative outcomes in couples’ relationships. In family systems theory, the thinner the boundaries between two people, the greater the chances of alienation can occur [20]. Unbounded communication in password sharing should take the form of enmeshment since there are indistinct communication patterns between the couples [1]. As such, in past literature, researchers noticed that password sharing negatively correlated with relationship satisfaction and length of relationship [4], indicating that password sharing is a negative phenomenon that couples may fall on.
However, researchers can argue that the importance of individuality is only a concern in individualistic cultures. Asians are characterized with collectivistic culture that gives primary importance to family rather than the self [21]. Additionally, Enriquez [10; 11], theorized that Filipino’s personality development heavily relied on shared identity rather than an ego-oriented personality. Filipinos see themselves on others which is salient in their personality development [22] and this process allows password sharing to be as comfortable dynamics between couples. Therefore, the importance of privacy in close relationships may be different across distinct cultures and their outcomes may also vary.
As such, the present study investigated the reasons and outcomes of password sharing that emerging adult men’s experience. Specifically, it answered the following questions: (1) What are the motivations that the participants engage in password sharing? (2) What are the perceived outcomes of password sharing?
 

Method

Research Design. This study used a phenomenological design where it focused on the shared aspects of an individual's or group's lived experience to draw conclusions about that experience [6]. The researchers chose to study the phenomena of sharing passwords in romantic relationships because of the emergence and utilization of social media in the present time. Many individuals who are in a current romantic relationship use social media to communicate with one another. To gather data from the participants, the researchers conducted a one-on-one interview with each participant. It was then followed by thematic analysis to emphasize the important data collected from the interview.
Participants. We gathered 20 emerging adult men with a mean age of 22,1 years old (SD = 0,57) and with an average length of relationship at 4,45 years in a monogamous heterosexual relationship. All participants shared their passwords to their partners and are living separately. The researchers excluded married or cohabiting couples with children and who never met in person. Selected participants were protected by ethical consideration to ensure their confidentiality and privacy.
Procedure. We submitted our paper to the ethics review board of the university before proceeding with the gathering of participants. After the approval of the paper, we gathered our participants through peer referrals. The researchers sent the pre-registration form and the informed consent to the eligible participants. The pilot study began immediately after participants confirmed their participation.
The interview began right away after the questionnaires were finalized. Before each interview, the researchers screened the participants to determine whether they met the criteria. The interview was conducted according to the availability of the individuals through online meetings.
Data Analysis. The data gathered in the form of interview transcripts, were subjected to interpretation via a six-phase analytical method that was developed by Braun and Clarke [5] named the theoretically flexible thematic analysis. This method is done by common themes that arise from the participants’ answers. In phase one, we familiarized ourselves with the interview data via replaying and rereading. In phase two, we derived independently utilizable codes from the participants’ excerpts. In phase three, we formed potential themes from the codes, and these codes were compared to each other to identify similarity and overlap. In phase four, the codes and themes were reviewed against each other to see if they match. In phase five, the themes were defined and named. In the final phase, the themes were written up. Revision and rejection of codes and themes may continue into all the phases.
 

Results

Table 1
Motivations of Password Sharing

Themes and Subthemes

Examples

Relational Motivations

1.   Symbol or proof of commitment

a.   Verification of information and reduction of relationship anxiety

 

“I gave my password to reciprocate, so that she will not think about other things”

“I would check her account and if the information that I saw aligns to what she said, then I’d feel more convinced that she’s being honest with what she claims to be doing”

“If your partner knows your password, she can confirm that you don’t talk to other people; that you’re committed to her.”

 

2. Ongoing suspicions

“Maybe that's the only reason (why they password share), because of jealousy”

“…Sometimes she's doubtful of me, when she's doubtful of me, when I'm not telling the truth, that’s the time that she checks my account”

3. Comfort in relationship

“...because of transparency it makes the couple more comfortable with each other which led us to password sharing”

“It’s like we became more comfortable that’s why we acquired access to each other's accounts”

Personal Motivations

1. Sharing of interest and entertainment

 

“For example, since my instagram’s discovery algorithm and reels is more appealing, she would sometimes prefer to browse on my account”

“Out of boredom because my phone died. I just scrolled through tiktok and instagram. In tiktok if my “fyp” page is boring and hers is more entertaining”

2.   Sharing of responsibility

a.   Academics and businesses

“Yes it has helped me during the times that I am unable to access my gmail, my family’s messages to me (e.g. when I am at work where I have no access to the internet), she would be the one to receive these messages”

“Unforeseen events may happen in school, for example, you might lose your phone. For these scenarios, you can then ask things like "hey can you log into my account, I have to check something”

b.   Family communications

“I shared my password with my girlfriend so that my parents could easily reach me… That's why I gave my girlfriend my password, so that my family can contact me through her”

“There was a time when I needed to check something on my [Facebook[2]] messenger but I didn't have an internet connection, so I gave her my password and I did not take it back”

c.   Emergency situations

“for example, when I die or an unfortunate event happens, at least there is someone who knows my account and is able to access it.
 
Motivations of Password Sharing
Category 1: Relational
Theme 1: Symbol or proof of commitment
Participants in the study share passwords as a sign that they are committed to their partner. They offered to give their password because of their prediction of longevity of the relationship they share. Participants were willing to share the contents of their social media accounts as evidence of their decision to stay in a relationship.
Subtheme 1: Verification of information and reduction of relationship anxiety
They are willing to share their information and be verified whenever the partner needs to as a sign that they had been committed to the relationship. Since their partner can check their password anytime, they felt that an unprotected account would lessen their worry over their partner’s possible suspicion.
Subtheme 2: Transparency and clarity of conscience
The participants also believed that they were willing to give access to their messaging accounts because they are not hiding any activities that would break their partner’s trust.
Theme 2: Comfort in relationship
Another reason for permitting unprotected messaging accounts was the comfort the participants and their partner had in their relationship. They felt that their information is safe on their partner thus it will not be utilized in activities that would compromise their welfare.
Theme 3: Ongoing suspicion
Participants noted that password sharing stems from ongoing suspicion from their partner, this aligns with Bevan’s [4] findings where jealousy can both be a reason and consequence of sharing passwords in social networking sites. They also felt that sharing their password would pacify the conflict since all information from the messaging application would then become accessible to their partner.
 
Category 2: Personal
Theme 1: Sharing of interest and entertainment
The participants shared their password so that they could access the social media contents their partners have. Their interests have similarities in that the couple were entertained by what they see on their partner’s social media accounts.
Theme 2: Shared responsibility
The participants maximized the convenience brought by password sharing by using it to inform their partner of essential or urgent information. When their partners get news or read anything significant, they immediately share it with them.
Subtheme 1: Academics and businesses
Password sharing had a functional role among couples as well. Their partners collaborate with them, through their shared accounts, in academic requirements as well as their businesses. Couples remind each other of their academic and/or work-related responsibilities as they are both informed through the shared accounts.
Subtheme 2: Family communications
College men also believed that sharing passwords is necessary to ease the communication between their own families. Some participants, although without the knowledge of their partners’ family, remind them of communications or respond on their behalf to their family members especially when their partners do not have access to the internet. On occasions, other participants would also respond using their partner’s account to their family.
 
Subtheme 3: Emergency situations
Password sharing may also be beneficial as preparation for possible emergencies. Although none of the participants claimed that they were in a life-threatening situation, accounts that were accessible to their partner were seen as a useful tool to easily gather help from their friends and their families.
 
Table 2
Outcomes of Password Sharing

Themes and Subthemes

Examples

Detrimental

  1. Blurred personal boundary

a. Invasion of privacy

“I feel like my privacy has been violated, because technically, I am still me, we are both individual entities, she has her own life and I have my own”

“if my partner constantly checks my accounts, it would be as if I am losing my privacy”

“if my partner constantly checks my accounts, it would be as if I am losing my privacy”

b.   Disruption of freedom of communication

“I became more mindful to whom I talk to others because she might misunderstand some of the conversations, because the lack of context may affect her perception”

“Sometimes I don’t want her to see my conversations with my guy friends particularly conversations that talks about girls”

2.   Unpleasant emotions

a. Retroactive jealousy

“When I acquired her password, I did not do much digging; I just looked into her past relationships. I got insecure at first”

“When I acquired her password, I did not do much digging; I just looked into her past relationships. I got insecure at first“

Constructive

1.   Relationship growth

a.   Empathic understanding

“I don’t know the term but it's like, you see yourself with her in the future. It’s like you want to settle with her after password sharing”

“Yes, I would say that our relationship became stronger because of password sharing”

“When we reached one and a half years of our relationship, we learned to speak, listen, and to talk in a calm manner”

“I got to know her when I learned the reason why she gets angry. I get to understand her. Sharing password helps you understand your partner better”

“She’d wonder what am I doing right now and she’ll see that I’m not talking to anyone. She’d know that I’m doing something”

“My doubts were gone, example when she doesn't reply, I’ll just check her account then I’ll know that she’s busy working”

b.   Relationship resilience

“We fought a lot, but I think those fights strengthened our relationship, I don’t know, I’m always yearning for her”

“I think it (password sharing) made our relationship more resilient, because she sees all of my chat”

“So far, my efforts have paid off, and our relationship has been trouble-free for a year and a half”

c.   Assurance of partner’s wellbeing

“Yes, I can see who she’s talking to and can confirm that she’s okay”

“I only open her account when we have fights because I want to know if she’s okay, like her welfare and such”

“When you get to that part (password sharing) that’s when you're secured with each other. I feel at ease and I know we’re stable”

2. Closer to family members

“Because she communicates with my family, she become closer to them”

“Her family treats me as if I’m part if their family”
 
This study also investigated the respondents’ perceived outcomes of password sharing. They believed that password sharing in relationships has both detrimental impact and constructive consequences on their relationship and their own personal lives.
Category 1: Detrimental impact
Theme 1: Blurred personal boundaries
Password sharing disrupts personal boundaries that college men have prior to their password sharing. These include invasion of privacy and disruption of their individuality.
Subtheme 1: Invasion of privacy
Freedom of their partner to access their social media accounts spoiled surprises that should have led to closer relationships. In addition, their partners also discovered even their past relationships that they were not comfortable to disclose.
Subtheme 2: Disruption of freedom of communication
Additionally, password sharing also leads to individuality issues. Participants felt that their partner’s own identity merges into their own. Password shared accounts disrupted their own sense of censorship in communication. The thought that their partner will be aware hindered their freedom to communicate to people whom they believe their partner will have suspicion.
Theme 2: Unpleasant emotions
Participants also believe that password sharing leads to unpleasant emotions that endangers their relationship. These unpleasant emotions include retroactive jealousy and clashes between their perspective and their partner’s peers.
Subtheme 1: Retroactive jealousy
Participants’ and that of their partners’ freedom to access archived messages on their messaging applications led to discovery of past relationships. The discovery of past relationships generates retroactive jealousy.
Subtheme 2: Clash between peer and partner’s perspective and demands.
Participants claimed that they also open messages from their partner’s friends, vice versa. However, messages that they view from their friends do not always agree with their own perspective. For example, there were choices made that would take time off with their partner but spend time with their friends. These problems arise due to the freedom of one partner to access their accounts.
Category 2: Constructive consequence
Theme 1: Relationship growth
Relationships grow in password sharing. Couples develop empathic understanding, relationship resilience, be relieved of anxiety over partner’s welfare, and consolidation of commitment.
Subtheme 1: Empathic understanding
The participants claimed that they were able to put themselves on the perspective of their partner by accessing their personal accounts. By reading their partner’s conversations with their peers and family, they felt what their partner feels even if the topics of discussion would be their relationship. They were able to read discussions of their partner’s concern over them and their partner’s perspectives on the challenges they encountered as a couple and as an individual.
Subtheme 2: Relationship resilience
Although there were challenges in relationships, understanding their partner’s perspective served as a protective factor in the disruption of warm connection between the couple. They were able to bounce back from their problems due to their understanding of their partner’s thoughts from their conversations and social media contents.
Subtheme 3: Assurance of partner’s wellbeing
The participants tend to be concerned about their partner’s welfare. With the knowledge of their partner’s whereabouts and activities that comes along with password sharing, they found relief over their said fears or anxieties related to their partner’s wellbeing. The participants understood that their partner’s absence was simply a preoccupation with their responsibilities.
Subtheme 4: Consolidation of commitment and certainty on relationship
By understanding their thoughts as relayed on password shared accounts, they develop a sense of certainty in their relationship. They felt that their relationship was already at the level of married relationships as they believed that married couples also do password shared accounts. Additionally, password sharing strengthens their commitment to the relationship as they felt that shared communications bonded them like that of married couples.
Theme 2: Closer to family members
The couples also felt that they had become closer to their partner’s family because participants also claimed that they have access to their partner’s communication with their family. As they got to understand their partner’s family’s thoughts and situation, they got to understand the emotions that the family has over them as their partner’s love interest. The messages that their partner did not disclose in face-to-face conversations were readily available to them to read and access. As such, they could empathize with their family more easily. Some participants claimed that since password sharing led to increased frequency of communication between their family and partner, this helped their family members become closer to their partner.
 

Discussion

Password sharing comes from a few motivations which can be categorized as relational and personal reasons. Although it may seem obvious, men share their password because of reasons that involve their partner; however, not all reasons concern the person whom they will share with. There are motivations that are personal which would neither support nor disturb their relationship.
 
Relational Motivations
The study investigated that there were personal and relational motivations in password sharing. In theory, Maslow reverse hierarchy of needs states that needs are occasionally reversed, with individuals prioritizing their love and belongingness over physiological and safety needs [12] allowing their partners access to their accounts and risk data privacy breach. Also, women have varying thoughts and opinions about password sharing, but they all agreed that the reasons for it is that password sharing portrays a symbol of trust, commitment, and an indication of a healthy relationship. According to Bevan [4], Password sharing is described as "a mutual token of love and trust and as a kind of insurance policy against unfaithfulness". This suggests that sharing is now regarded as a sign of "trust” between partners since there is nothing to hide.
Password sharing also started because of couples become comfortable with each other. Relating it to one of the dimensions of Sternberg’s [27] theory of love, states that intimacy encompasses the perception of comfort in a loving relationship. Where higher levels of intimacy could lead to comfort in one another.
On the other hand, password sharing was also a sign of anxiety over romantic relationships and brewing jealousy. Hence, emerging men saw password sharing as a form of peace offering for certain conflicts as according to Bevan [4], sharing passwords is a symbol of trust.
 
Personal Motivations
Passwords were shared as their interest were also shared. According to a study conducted by Matthews et al. [18], device sharing, and borrowing is the most prevalent form of device; entertainment, social/messaging, and web browsing are the most popular activities.
In addition, password sharing was also seen as a shared responsibility in academics, occupation, and on their own family. Past studies also found that password sharing was to ease one’s responsibilities in communication [3; 18]. This can be applied to couples since they collaborate with their partners in utilizing their shared memories for easier retrieval of academic and business-related concerns. Couples often construct passwords together using personal information to make them easier to remember, which may serve both practical and emotional purposes. This ease in communication extends to communicating with their own families. Even in emergencies, password sharing seemed to be beneficial [33].
This study also investigated the respondents’ perceived outcomes of password sharing. They believed that password sharing in relationships has both detrimental impact and constructive consequences on their relationship and their own personal lives.
 
Detrimental Impact
Password sharing blurred personal boundaries. This aligns with the idea of enmeshment in which two or more people, usually family members, are overly involved in each other's lives and relationships that limits or prevents healthy connections and jeopardizes personal autonomy and identity [1; 30]. Participants shared that their partner accessed messages and information they were reluctant to share. In addition, accessing information led to jealousy [8]. In a past study, Facebook[3]-related jealousy motivates partners to perpetuate surveillance on their partner’s account [7]. The consistent surveillance of their partners therefore makes the participants more conscious about their social media interaction. Therefore, even in past study [14] it was recommended that couples should draw a line with their ideals.
Likewise, password sharing led to unpleasant emotions. One of the unpleasant emotions that accompany password sharing was retroactive jealousy, or an individual’s upset feelings over romantic history [13]. Retroactive jealousy also endangers the romantic relationship they currently enjoy. Additionally, Frequent checking or opening of a partner's account may indicate a lack of trust and suspicions about cheating [28].
 
Constructive Consequences
Password sharing is not all destructive to a relationship. There were outcomes of password sharing that promote growth in relationships between the couple as well as the relationship between the individual and their partner’s family. This may be due to ease of communication, an important factor in relationship satisfaction [9], which was brought by password sharing.
Emerging adult men viewed password sharing a sign of trust. As the relationship's foundation of trust strengthened, sharing "personal" devices became increasingly prevalent, with convenience and trust once again serving as the two most influential elements [18; 29]. As they develop mutual trust, they also become empathetic to their partner. This aligns with the concept of empathy of Carl Rogers wherein the individual puts himself in the position of the other without prejudice to have a better understanding of the situation [12]. The couple gained insight into why their partner may think and feel in a certain way, increasing their empathic understanding of each other.
As there is a mutual understanding that they are both responsible and accountable for each other's safety, they are both liable for each other's protection [31]. They had become easily aware of troubles their partner had hence they were able to react with immediacy [2].
Password sharing also permits understanding of their partner’s family’s thoughts and feelings. This reflects the study of Lucido [16] which states that overall relationship satisfaction is correlated with communication frequency. The exchange of communication between the partner and the family allowed the two parties to become more accepting of each other.
 

Conclusion

In conclusion, password sharing is not limited to motivations that would be beneficial to the relationship but also foreseeing benefits for oneself. In addition, in emerging adult men, password sharing can have detrimental and constructive consequences.
This study is not without its limitations. Our study only focused on the reasons and outcomes of password sharing through the lens of male view; thus, the differences in perception of password sharing behaviors between genders (Males and Females) were not discussed as the evident personality difference between the personalities of different genders [23] may yield more results. Since this study is limited to heterosexual relationships only and the target participants were solely students, we recommend that future researchers conduct this study on different populations such as workers and homosexuals who are in a relationship to provide a wider perspective on the said phenomena.
In addition, the participants belonged to a collectivist culture. Compared to the individualistic nature of westerners, Filipinos tend to be collectivists, they identify with their social circles, family ties, and geographical relations [24]. Hence, their view of being in an extended self might have permitted the comfort of sharing their password. In an individualist culture where individuality is foremost important, sharing of passwords might have a different dynamic and mechanism. The researchers recommend conducting a study outside the collectivist culture to gain more insight on individualist culture and therefore pave the way for comparison between the contrasting orientations. Alternatively, researchers can also look in the moderating effect of cultural orientation in the connection between password sharing and relationship satisfaction.
 
[1] Is officially banned in the Russian Federation.
[2] Is officially banned in the Russian Federation.
[3] Is officially banned in the Russian Federation.

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Information About the Authors

Jan Patrick G. Gutierrez, MA in Psychology, Assistant Professor, Department of Psychology, Far Eastern University — Manila, Manila, Philippines, ORCID: https://orcid.org/0000-0001-9243-097X, e-mail: jgutierrez@feu.edu.ph

April Johniline D. Aledia, Research Student, Department of Psychology, Far Eastern University — Manila, Manila, Philippines, ORCID: https://orcid.org/0009-0004-2125-4453, e-mail: april.aledia0426@gmail.com

Giorella G. Guevarra, Research Student, Department of Psychology, Far Eastern University — Manila, Manila, Philippines, ORCID: https://orcid.org/0009-0004-8506-8000, e-mail: giorellaggguevarra@gmail.com

Jamaica Raivayne A. Jasa, Research Student, Department of Psychology, Far Eastern University — Manila, Philippines, ORCID: https://orcid.org/0009-0006-3742-4941, e-mail: jamaica.jasa@gmail.com

Dharell M. Villanueva, Research Student, Department of Psychology, Far Eastern University — Manila, Manila, Philippines, ORCID: https://orcid.org/0009-0008-1798-0355, e-mail: dharellmarcos@gmail.com

Kelly S. Tan, Research Student, Department of Psychology, Far Eastern University — Manila, Manila, Philippines, ORCID: https://orcid.org/0009-0004-5065-8123, e-mail: kly.15.tan@gmail.com

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